Recently,  I had a friend that I was beginning to trust- someone I shared a lot with, spoke to frequently, but not that frequently that there would be long silences on the phone, you know?  Actually, when we communicated frequently, the conversation was always lively, funny, interesting- just really comfortable.   He was a person that seemed pretty different from me (everyone is different from me, I think.. but that is cause I'm just weird like that).  But, then again, I could share lots of things with him...everything but one little thing...it wasn't anything big,  but, by the time I wanted to share it with him, we suddenly stopped talking.  I dunno how it came about, for it was just so abrupt.
           Now, we dont talk anymore and it hurts me-  it really hurts losing a friend. 
           There are days where I want to pick up the phone and call him, but I know he won't want to speak to me. There are days where I want to page him,  but I know he won't call or page back.  I guess it's just this hunch.. and I guess things were just meant to be like this.. but I just dont understand.  at least now I don't. 

- liz 
 december, nineteen ninety-nine. happy holidays.
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